All About FARTS

I normally don’t like toilet humor. But somehow, farts had me laughing recently. You got it.. f-a-r-t. Or flatulence if you want to sound formal. I don't know how it started Maybe it’s because my big brother from Malaysia was trying to make me laugh so he brought up the subject. Hehe. Not that I’m happy when I do it, or I do it very often. And if I did, I would NEVER admit it. But to be honest. Farting is probably the one disgusting thing done by everyone on this planet. Young, old, rich, poor…I bet even Paris Hilton, in all her glitz and glamour farts! I mean, who doesn’t?? But because we usually don’t fart knowingly in front of people (I say “knowingly” because some DO fart imperceptibly in public), it’s not something you imagine people doing. And because farting is such a gross act, people are ashamed to do it; because people are ashamed to do it, it becomes something humorous when exposed.

The thing is you have to HIDE it. Exposure is a big NO-NO, especially for dainty, timid girls. Sometimes, though, the stubborn air really wants to get out. There’s nothing you can do about it. You just have to let it out. If you’re in a noisy and crowded area, like a train, or on the sidewalk, you’re safe. Let it out and no one will care. Everyone is too busy to hear or smell anything. But if you’re inside the church or in a quiet office, woe is you! Consider yourself dead with shame.

So, when in an awkward situation, remember to:

1) Don’t look guilty. If you fart quietly in a closed room or train, no one will ever know. Just don’t blush or look as if you’ve committed a crime. Smile and move on.

2) Cough with it. If you feel a loud one coming, let it out with a loud cough. That way, people won’t notice much and just think your cough is too low.

3) Burp. You know if you close a door, there’s always a window. If it doesn’t come out below, try your best to make it come out above. Burps are much easier to hide than farts.

4) Stay quiet. If you fart quietly but oh-so-fatally, don’t pass the blame on others. Everyone thinks that the first person to notice the smell is actually the guilty party. Like I said, smile and move on.

5) Counterattack. If it stinks to the bone, maybe cologne will help. Spray it around you before anyone notices. Of course, sometimes, the mixed smell will be more lethal than the original.

6)  Get up. Sitting down, especially on a wooden bench, can cause a “ratatatatat” sound. Trust me, people will not think it is a machine gun. If you're in church and can't get up, maybe lifting your butt a bit is good enough.

I would like to make it clear, that I just THOUGHT of these tips and they’re not things that I PRACTICE. And if I did, I would NEVER admit it! Ha!

Another interesting fact about fart is that they all sound funny, even in different languages. My favorite? "Kentut" Cracks me up all the time.

English - Fart

Spanish - Pedo

Filipino - Utot

Malay - Kentut

French - Pet

Turkish - Osuruk 

German - Furz

Dannish - Prut

If you want to know about the 10 Types of Fart, this site tells it all.

http://www.toilette-humor.com/top-ten-farts.html

Well, this has been one disgusting blog. I hope people won't think me less of a girl because of it. But heck, farting is a part of life. No matter how gorgeous you are, when you're alone, you know that you KENTUT.

Ciao.

Dedicated to Kuya Red for inspiring to write about kentut. ^_^