Mother, Boredom, Boredom!

I love learning new languages. That desire to learn new words began when I was just a teenager. I was especially in love with Spanish. French was smooth, but it reminded me too much of the passionate and obsessive skunk in Looney Toons. I'd choose Speedy Gonzales over him. Hehe. Unfortunately, Dora the Explorer was not born in the 90's. And since my siblings and I were already engaged in several extra curricular activities, my parents did not enroll me in any language school. We were busy with sports that time. My dad was a big Bruce Lee fan, and he wanted us to learn taekwondo and gymnastics instead of Spanish and French. I guess he didn't really consider that the tongue is also a muscle, in need of exercise.


I realized that the only way for me to learn Spanish was to listen to my aunt's self-study cassette tapes. It was pretty cool at first. I felt like a multilingual genius as I repeated the sentences "donde esta el baño"? Later on, I realized that the tapes were actually designed for tourists. They taught sentences like "Quiero una ducha de agua caliente." ("I want a hot shower"). I wasn't so thrilled to learn how to say "Where is the bathroom?" in Spanish, so I decided to drop it. Besides, rewinding the tapes, and untangling the long filmy thing from the player, proved to be quite a tedious task. 


So, my dream of becoming a multilingual girl was so prematurely shattered. Then along came Facebook...with Google Translate tagging along behind it. 


It all happened quite unexpectedly. None of the "lessons" were planned. Facebook merely introduced me to men and women from Venezuela, who happened to have the same unique family name as me. We all wondered how we were related. But our conversations were always cut short, due to my lack of knowledge in Spanish, and their lack of English speaking abilities. Our conversations would go like this.


Spanish relative: Hola! 


Me: Hi! How are you?


SR: Ummmm....


Me: Speak English?


SR: Un poco... No puedo hablar Inglés. ¿Se puede hablar español? ¿De dónde eres?


Me: Ohhh...I'm sorry I don't understand you.


SR: jejejejeje.


I send an emoticon and sign out with a sigh. But no...I did not give up so easily. I knew in my heart I would be able to communicate with them one day. I did.


Enter, Google Translate. 


I don't remember how I happened to stumble upon Google Translate. I think I was desperate to understand what my Spanish relatives were saying. So I tried to google some kind of a Spanish dictionary. I was intent on translating their sentences one word at a time. The research eventually led me to this awesome translator. I type a sentence in English, click the "translate" button, and viola! I can chat in Spanish! 

The first chat conversation, however, proved to be a disaster. I had over estimated the translator's accuracy. The translator was highly sensitive to the tiniest period and capitalization. Each word needed to be spelled correctly. Even the punctuation marks had to be precise. If not, the entire meaning of the sentence could change!


Case in point. My friend was having an argument with her American boyfriend. Apparently, he had forgotten that this was their "webchat night", and had fallen asleep. My friend wanted to send him an angry message in Filipino, so she could express herself, but not offend him. "But there's Google Translate," I warned her. "He could use it to know what you're saying."
I suddenly had that bloody brilliant idea to try out the translator, just to see what it would turn out. Here's what happened.


Original Filipino message: Hoy, gumising ka! putang ina inip na inip na ko sa kaka antay sayo! (Correct translation: Wake up! Son of a b*tch... I'm so tired of waiting for you!)


English translation: Hey, awake! F*ck mother boredom boredom I tired to wait you!

Sounds stupid, doesn't it? 


Unfortunately, I had already made plenty of errors before I realized that the translator, more often than not, didn't make much sense. Once, my Spanish relative asked me about my job. For some unknown reason, the translator translated his question, asking me something about sh*t.  Another time, a different Spanish relative asked me what I did for a living. I translated my answer saying I'm a "maestro". She responded in shock, asking me if I were a man. Because I had said "maestro" and not "maestra". 




So ended my foreign language spree. I avoid using translators in communication. I only use it occasionally when a foreign friend posts a status that sparks my interest. I can't translate it most of the time because of misspelled words. But today, I haven't given up m desire to learn new languages. In addition to Spanish, I've also begun learning Malay and Korean words. But not from the translator, mind you. I don't want to end up asking my foreign friends about their sh*t.